Commentary on Welcome to Shikon High Chap. 2 by XxSmexiiXx
Welcome to Shikon High
Summary: Shiori got transferred to Shikon High which is a school for
Preistess, demon slayers,Hanyou,youkai,angels,devils and monks.Will love awaits
them or be heartbroken? Shiori is not the bat demon! It is my character... done
and updated!
original link
Note: Seriously, this has got to be one of the worst pieces of writing I've ever read in my life.
Rating:
 |
WTF?!
Terrible spelling, Terrible grammar, OMG Chatspeak,
Mary-Sue, Rambling, No plot, WTF?!
And now, on with the total brain melt...
Enjoy
|
Shiori:
IM NOT THAT BAT DEMON!
Inuyasha:
Yea she's not...she's a devil (My sides are splitting.)
Shiori:
i am not oh yea i made a mistake
Andrew:
well she made a big mistake and reread the first chap too (I made a big mistake and read this story.)
Shiori:
STOP PICKING ON ME! IM NOT A DEVIL IMMA ANGEL! (Why? Just why?)
Everyone
sweatdrops.
Sango:
Lets get on with the story.. (Oh that is
so funny…)
(Previously on Shikon High…)
"
Sango who are they?" Shiori asked.
"
Oh yea.. let me tell you about this school.. Well that is Miroku the
player." Sango said with sparkles in her eyes ,she pointed at a brown
haired boy
that
tied his hair in a low ponytail, he had blue eyes.
"
So u like him?" shiori asked.
"
N-no he is a player" sango stuttered (Yes,
he is a player.)
"
Hmm..." Shiori said.
"That
is Inuyasha the biggest jerk in school..." (I'm dying.) Sango said pointing to the
silver haired boy who had dog ears and golden eyes.
"
Hmmm... lemme guess he is a hanyou?" Shiori asked.
"
U guessed it! That is Koga... the fastest kid..." Sango said pointing to
the black haired boy that tied his hair up into a ponytail
,
he had blue eyes(?).
"
He is a demon.. eh?" Shiori said. (What?)
"
Yea he is also a player" Sango said.
"
That is sesshomaru... he is Inuyasha's big bro..." Sango said pointing to
the silver haired boy with golden eyes. (Is
he a player too?)
"
He seems cold..." Shiori said (Hand
him a sweater then.)
"Trust
me he is" Sango said. (He wouldn’t
be if he had a sweater.)
"
That is Andrew... also the player..." (School of Players.) Sango said pointing to the red
haired boy with red eyes. (Who the eff
is Andrew?)
"
Well... i think he is a devil.." Shiori said.
"
wel... typically he is..." Sango said (ROFL!
I’m dead! A devil named Andrew? WTF?)
"
They are the biggest jerks even thought they are popular..." Sango said. (Maybe they’re jerks because they’re
popular.)
"
So... who are they?" Shiori asked.
"Those
are the popular sluts.." (Cuz you know the only way someone can be popular is by being a slut or a douche to everybody...) Sango said pointing to the group of girls.
"
That is kikyo.." Sango said. (LOL. What's with the Kikyo hate?) ( well im not gonna type what they look
like now... u know what they look likeexcept for the new characters i put in) (You are a great writer.)
"
That is kanna, that is kagura, that is Charmaine" Sango said pointing to
the black haired girl, she had black eyes. (Which
one is the black haired girl?)
"
And that is Yura" Sango said.
Ring...
"
Uh oh lets get to English class fast!" Sango said. (But standing around judging people in the hall is so much fun…)
The
first 3 periods of class passed by. The school bell rang the class scattered
and hurriedly made way to the cafeteria
Charmaine
and her groupie were looking at me and headed towards us.
"
Hey look freinds its the newbie.." charmaine said as the frends laughed. (Yeah, I address my friends as “friends” all
the time.)
"
What do u want?" Sango asked.
"
Nothing much"charmaine said.
Shiori
pretty much hate slutty girls so lost her temper but controlled it. (How do you control losing your temper?)
"
Hey bitch get the hell away" Shiori said smiling. (Ooooh they’re cursing… I’m telling!)
"
what?!"Charmaine said shocked.
SILENCE
"
Hmph this is my school so get out of my way." charmaine said. (Charmaine’s the bitch, but the main character's the one who started the fight...)
"
Huh? Where is ur name? i don't see it.." Shiori said searching for
Charmaine's name.
"
Bitch..." Charmaine said.
"
Huh? OMG u calling urself a bitch?! Oh my name is Shiori. S-H-I-O-R-I! Remember
my name erm..." Shiori said pretending to look clueless. (What?)
"
hoe bag? Bitch? Hell? Pig? Fatass?...oh yea CHARMAINE..." (Next time I get in an argument I’m
name-calling them Hell for sure.) Shiori said. Sango tried holding back her
laughter but failed that results to a laughter, Charmaine stood there looking
shocked. (Again. What?)
"
I will make ur life a living hell" Charmaine said.
"
Hmm? U said u will make my life a living heaven? Thnx" Shiori said
smiling. (Shiori’s an immature bitch.)
"
Hmph! Come on gals" Charmaine said.
Charmaine
walked away with her groupie. Sango kept laughing till tears came out. She
finally stopped. (Finally.)
"
Whoa.. who ever told off Charmaine is my BFF!" Sango said.
"
come on lets get to the cafeteria" Shiori said. (Aren’t you already there.)
"
Oh yea u have to meet my friends!" Sango said.
At
the cafeteria,
"
where is Sango? she is always on time." kagome said.
"
Hey there is Sango!" Rin said.
"
Hey guys, this is Shiori" Sango said.
"
Yo!" Shiori said.
"
Hi" Sango's friends said.
"
Im Rin!" rin said. ("This is tedious." LuLu said.)
"
im kagome" Kagome said.
"
im ayame" Ayame said.
"
Shiori's the new girl and she totally nailed Charmaine!" Sango said.
"
What?! No way! Nobody has ever go up against charmaine!" ayame said
shocked. (Cowards.)
"
U shuld have seen her face it was priceless!" Sango said.
"
I wish i saw that..." Rin said. (Your grammar is appalling.)
"
So what grade are you in?" Shiori asked them except sango.
"
We all are 8 except for Rin she is 7." kagome said.
Then,
a group of boys sat next to us.(Here we go...)
"
so do the sit there everyday?" Shiori whispered to the group.
"
yea" sango whispered.
Then,they
heard miroku said that the new girl nailed and her groupie came. (Once again. What?)
"
andrew-hun there is this bitch wh-" Charmaine turned her head and saw
Shiori.
"
Ur that bitch who insulted me" Charmaine said.
"
aw... u have short term memory? Maybe i should write my name in ur BRAIN"
Shiori said smiling. (OH! BURN!)
"
I rmbr ur name.." Charmaine growled (Good lord, the chatspeak!)
"
Why not call me it?" Shiori said. (It.)
"
Because i don't wanna" charmaine said.
"
Aw... that's too bad. cuz this is ur new nickname its called Hoebitch."
shiori said. (Man “hoe” and “bitch”?
That’s genius…)
Charmaine
lunged her fist at her but Shiori stopped her hand and twist it and pushed her
down the table.
"
Don't try cuz i know how to fight real bad" Shiori said. (I can’t even…)
Aw...
too bad the end well typically Charmaine is real she is a bitch at my school
anyways
review! (I sense some issues here...)
Labels: badfic, Welcome to Shikon High
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